Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Happy Birthday MCM

June 14 is my best friend's 50th birthday. It will be his last, as he has terminal cancer. August 2004 he quit smoking after 30 years because the doctors found a suspicious mass on his lung. A needle biopsy was done and it was decided that the mass was benign. Fast-forward to August 2005: I was busy moving from Rexburg to Logan and starting a new job and being All Stressed Out and I got a phone call from MCM. He had been having trouble with a lump in his neck/throat and had gone to the doctor. Now MCM is nothing like Warren Zevon in the fact that he goes to see the doctor for anything out of the ordinary. The doctors decided it was something that needed to be removed and a "procedure" was scheduled posthaste. But in the pre-tests involved, it was discovered that the once-benign mass in the lung actually WAS cancer and it had spread not only to the throat but to the liver as well. And by now it has also spread to the brain. Long story short: I will not have my best friend around for much longer. The worst part of all this is that he lives in Chicago which is a long ways away from me. A few weeks ago I finished socks for him. Opal Dreamcatcher 1235
The past few days I have been so overcome with grief that I haven't even bought him a birthday card. There are so many things I want to say to him, mostly mushy things. When we first became friends over 4 years ago we made a "no-mush" pact. We made up our own code for many words and phrases, things that I will never share with anyone else. But before he goes, I want him to know how much I love him. I hope I have the courage to somehow tell him. He is agnostic to the point of being atheistic, but loves the great outdoors . . . says he can feel God there. I have already told him that he has to be my Guardian Angel when he goes to the Other Side. I honestly do not know how I am going to carry on without him. He has been so much to me, more than I could ever give voice to. I want so much to be able to just forget about my job and go to Chicago and stay there until the end. I don't know if I will even be able to go at all and that thought is killing me too. All I know is I will keep him close in my heart every single day and never forget how dear he is to me.

Good night, good night....
Look at that moon shine so bright.
And tonight he smiles
Especially for you.

Sleep tight, sleep tight.
Know everything is alright.
And tonight I will be here
Watching over you.

Sweet dreams, sweet dreams.
It is never as real as it seems.
And in the morning when you wake up
I will be right here.

Sleep on, sleep on.
For no matter how dark or how long
It may seem that your night is
I will still be here.

So be still, be still
For you know that I always will
Tonight and forever
Be watching over you.

For tonight and forever, be watching over you.
So sleep, little darling, sleep on through.

I will be watching over you.

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